Friday Thoughts
Hi, friends! We are more than midway through October, and it feels like the right time to check in with a Friday Thoughts post. It’s a long one (no pressure to read until the end š).
Just a quick heads up: a lot of you have been asking, so I wanted to let you know that I’ll be posting my annual holiday gift guides on Friday, November 1, so stay tuned for those! This year’s game gift guide is SO GOOD.
Also, cookbooks and hoodies have been restocked for the holidays!
Halloween: Love or Hate?
Let’s just start out this Friday Thoughts post with a bang, shall we?
How do you feel about Halloween?
I must confess that I am not a Halloween fan. I hope we can still be friends.
I like the fun, yummy food traditions surrounding it, but that’s about it. I’m kind of a Halloween grinch. We don’t do elaborate family costumes (although I do greatly admire the effort many of you put into those!), but I will pull out my Viking beanie that my sister crocheted for me and wear it to church trunk-or-treat parties and football games around this time of year (it helps that our high school mascot is the Vikings). š
I’m dying to know your thoughts about Halloween. (Yes, my kids go trick-or-treating, but once they hit a certain age, they are on their own for costumes – I did my due diligence when they were younger coming up with creative costumes. I’m off the clock now!)
Tell me you’re 46 without telling me you’re 46
At the risk of sounding like I’m positively ANCIENT, the last few months have been hard on my middle-aged body.
There is nothing life threatening…rather, it’s all just annoying.
Since I’m at the age where conversation usually leads to physical ailments, the weather, or politics (and I am definitely not going there, haha), let me just go ahead and give you a bulleted list.
- threw out my back a few weeks ago and literally couldn’t move for days. There is no dramatic story, I JUST MOVED WRONG ā ļø
- apparently I am now wearing house shoes FULL TIME because my feet scream without arch supports
- increasing hand pain and numbness was confirmed by a hand specialist as carpal tunnel syndrome (trying some splint/brace/supplement treatment in the hopes of avoiding immediate surgery, but goodness my hand hurts) šš¼
- finally scheduled a colonoscopy since I’m over 45; that fun event is happening next week š„“
- sleeping terribly (thank you, hot flashes) and hormones all over the place (not letting my family chime in on the comments of this one š); seeing an integrative women’s health doctor next month
Behold, the joys of middle age! (To be fair, I actually love being in my 40’s – favorite decade so far for many reasons – just wish my body would be a bit nicer to me!)
Likes and Dislikes
Books I Liked
Really loved these books. (Google content warnings specific to each book if you need a heads up for language, etc.)
James by Percival Everett (enjoyed this immensely)
Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty (entertaining story; gave me a lot to think about)
The Small and The Mighty by Sharon McMahon (so inspiring)
Books I Did Not Like
The Unmaking of June Farrow by Adrienne Young (audio version dragged and didn’t keep my interest)
The Women by Kristin Hannah (Yes, I know I’m in the minority here)
Fave Jeans Right Now
The Kessler Wide Leg from Piper and Scoot
Jeans That Made Me Giggle and Immediately Return
Wide Leg Stovepipe Cuffed from American Eagle
Treats I Find Dangerously Good
Skinny Dipped Peanut Butter Dark Chocolate Cups (a Costco find)
Treats That Got My Hopes Up and Then Made Me Sad
Dark Chocolate Almond Creme Almonds (also a Costco find…wanted to love these, but they just were not for me)
A Few Updates + Favorites
My temperature blanket is coming along! It’s been stalled a bit because of the intense hand pain I’ve been having, but I’m plugging along and trying to get caught up (currently 60+ rows behind, IT’S FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE).
A few weeks ago, I hosted a Homecoming dinner for my son, his date, and their group. I’ve done a lot of “dance dinners” and usually they are pretty formal, but this time, we decided to change it up a bit.
Thanks to my connections knowing a guy with a printing company (ahem, Brian š), we printed a huge coloring page banner (found it on Etsy) to go down the length of the tables and put sets of crayons at each place setting. This ended up being a HUGE hit with the teens.
For the menu, my son helped brainstorm a fun diner theme. Each of the kids got a menu to fill out (designed it on Canva using one of their templates), and my adorable 10- and 12- year old servers gathered the menus and gave them to me and a few other moms, and we quickly filled the orders. I had everything cooked, prepped and staying warm in the ovens, so it was really easy to assemble them in these cute baskets.
It was such a fun and easy dinner! And totally worth giving up some of my precious huckleberries stashed in the freezer for their gourmet milkshakes. š
Last week I put on real pants, left my house (SHOCKER), and took a quick trip to Charleston, South Carolina, with my mom and sister to see my brother and his husband who live out that direction. It was an amazing trip! We only had about 1 1/2 days in Charleston, but we fit in a lot. Namely, we fit in a lot of food. š I ate the best shrimp and grits of my life at the Charleston Crab House. And of course we had to get Jeni’s ice cream while we were there. I also ate at Boxcar Betty’s TWICE because I loved their chicken sandwiches so much.
In addition to the food, we took a carriage tour of downtown Charleston and did hours of walking and exploring the history in that area. It was so fascinating! And beautiful. The next day we spent the morning at the Boone Hall Plantation, and it was such a highlight for me. Humbling, intensely interesting, and the avenue of the oaks was stunning. Charleston, you did not disappoint!
Like I always say: if you made it to the end, you deserve an award! Thanks for being here, truly. š
What’s New with YOU??
We used to do this little thing at dinner time where we would go around the table and everyone would say what their ROSE and THORN was for the day. We haven’t done it in a while, but now that I’m typing it out here, I’m determined to bring it back into play with my family.
I’d love to know how YOU are doing.
If you feel keen on the idea, tell me in the comments what your ROSE (highlight/something good) and THORN (challenge/something less than good) is right now.
I’ll go first.
My ROSE: this space (truly, I love connecting with all of you) + watching my kids work hard and compete in the sports they love (my sophomore’s football season is ending, my senior’s wrestling season is beginning, and my 7th grader’s volleyball season ended a few weeks ago).
My THORN: some particularly tender worries about my kids + a new skin spot on my face that I am nearly certain is basal cell carcinoma (as you know, I’ve had two basal cell carcinoma spots on my face and subsequent MOHS surgeries already, and I’m really bummed out about this one; seeing a dermatologist next week).
And don’t forget to tell me your deep, dark or happy, joyful thoughts about Halloween. We’re all friends here. ALL OPINIONS WELCOME. š»
Hey Mel,
So much going on in your life and may I say, I will send positive thoughts for you regarding your skin spot. I know you have had prior experience so please take care.
Ok my thoughts on Halloween, as a child, I absolutely loved it. I mean what better holiday is there when people hand out free candy, right? Honestly now, well for years really, I hate it because I think adults have co-opted the day and have added a sleazy element that has ruined it for a lot of folks. I know this probably screams āget off my lawnā energy, but Iām willing to own it.
Rose: daughter returning stateside after 3 months. Cannot wait to hug her.
Thorn: all the political mailers, ads, phone call. Make it stop!
A big amen to all of that, Stella! And I laughed out loud at the “get off my lawn energy” comment. So excited for you to see your daughter. And seriously, the political stuff just needs to stop. I’m so over it!
The Viking beanies are adorable and the perfect easy costume. I am so glad we donāt do Halloween anymore and have no trick or treaters. It was so expensive for one day of fun and so close to other costly holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas).
My family has a history of skin cancer and using Efudex has been amazing for us. Have you talked to your doctor about it?
Oh menopause. I cannot do hormones due to breast cancer in my family, so I told my doctor that I am trying to get through it by walking a lot and eating well. I have learned to hydrate and keep my sugar consumption very low. The teenagers are making it harder though.Ā
Tip for the colonoscopy: go on a soup diet and eat broth based soups for two days before the prep and it will be easier.
I always look forward to your gift guide and your honesty. Life is not perfect but you handle it with grace and beauty.
Hi Sheila! I’ll ask my doctor about Efudex…I haven’t heard about it. Thank you! Thank you for all the other tips, as well! Appreciate you being here.
I thoroughly enjoyed your latest Friday thoughts. Let’s get the thorn out of the way first. My THORN is having not one, but two, carpal tunnel surgeries only to find out the pain and numbness in my right hand (and somewhat in my left) is due to neuropathy caused by the daily oral chemo drug I must continue to take. My ROSE is surviving Stage 3B lung cancer (never smoked in my life) and living to see 3 children get married and 6 grandchildren born. Such a joy! I’m so happy to be on the right side of the grass, and I’m making the most of each and every day. I turn 3/4 of a century in two days–hip, hip hooray!
p.s. I bought your cookbook, and it is awesome!
At 47, Iāve been struggling with perimenopause for the past year or two but didnāt recognize that it was the cause of so much of what I was experiencing until several months ago. Since then Iāve been doing a lot of work to understand whatās happening and what I can do to feel better. The two things so far that have made a huge difference:
Magnesium- I started taking a magnesium supplement and my sleep changed pretty much immediately. Instead of waking multiple times a night and one of those times often for a couple of hours filled with intrusive thoughts, I now sleep soundly waking maybe once a night to go to the bathroom and pretty quickly falling back asleep. Since everyoneās body is different I think it may take some experimentation to really try out the different types and brand qualities of magnesium to see if it will work for you, but itās well worth the time and cost. Iāve tried 3 different types and price points from a complex to a single type of magnesium and prices ranging from $7-$30/bottle and the one that has worked wonders for me was Nature Made brand magnesium citrate (250 mg).Ā
Walking- about 2 months ago I started walking 15,000 steps a day as a fitness challenge (and to try to combat the waistband of my pants fitting tighter), but the other benefits have been so wide ranging that I donāt think Iāll ever go back to the average 4,000 steps a day I was getting before. The positive changes to my energy, mood, cognition, mobility and more have been life changing. Going to 15,000 steps was a little extreme and I think these benefits would still be realized at lower step counts, but I think they probably start at around at least 8,000 steps. I spread it out throughout the day and I think that helps too rather than trying to only get one workout in and then being sedentary the rest of the day. Lastly walking outside as much as possible also has benefits I never realized and it has played a big role in the benefits so I go outside to walk as much as possible. My new mantra is, movement is medicine and it keeps me going.
Hoping for the best and keep us posted on the new spot on your face.
Erin, hi! Thank you for weighing in on the perimenopause symptoms and for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate it!! I am so impressed with how many steps you are getting each day! I love your mantra – there is truth in that. Thank you! (I’ll look into the magnesium!)
Mel – I despise Halloween. So much of the decor is distasteful. And I feel like kids act ungrateful and entitled when it comes to trick-or-treating.
Rose – my 2 year old daughter recently named her stuffed unicorn “Corny Brella.” Every time she says that, it makes my day. Also, BYU football has been amazing to watch this season!
Thorn – I am 12 weeks pregnant and my energy levels have been non-existent. I hate not having energy and capacity to do normal things. Hoping for a major surge in energy when I hit the second trimester.
Thanks for weighing in on the Halloween thoughts, Beth! That is the most adorable name for a unicorn – put a huge smile on my face (and yes, my boys are enjoying the BYU wins as well…I joke that there’s still time for the Cougars to break more hearts in this household than girlfriends will ever do!) š I’ll be hoping you get that surge of energy too! Hang in there!
Love reading the updates! After much (much) procrastinating, I just made an appointment with a dermatologist for a skin checkup. Some questionable spots that it is time to finally have looked at. Thank you for sharing your journey over the years and encouraging us to go get checked!
We don’t have kids and don’t get any trick or treaters, so Halloween is pretty minimal at our house (and I try to give myself strict instructions that because of this we don’t need to buy candy!) But we usually have a soup party at my sister in laws house while lots of the cousins are out trick or treating so that part is fun.
Rose – Fall in the Midwest has been especially gorgeous this year. Lots of warm sunny days with the trees keeping color for a long time.
Thorn – Dinner! Just not excited about cooking currently and struggling to plan meals each week. Thankful for some easy ideas like sheet pan paninis and pulling cafe rio pork from the freezer. I know it is just a season, but dinner time keeps showing up every day anyway!
I’m so glad you made that appointment, Megan! I’m sure it’ll just be routine and nothing will pop up, but it is important to go in (that’s how I found my other two spots!). Soup parties are fun!! And I remember when we lived in the midwest that fall was AMAZING. Literally best time of the year. And I hear you on dinner time. I’m in a rut myself, if it makes you feel better. Gotta get out of it!
I have a treasure chest of memories accumulated in our extensive travels. My husband & I have visited all 50 states, most of them multiple times, in our Motorhome.
My rose: my favorite city is Charleston, SC. I have visited there many times, so I was happy to read about your recent visit.
My thorn: ageing…my husband humorously refers to it as the “Geriatric Rollercoaster” because you are on quite a ride with all the ups and downs. Luckily, we are both pretty healthy so, for now, it’s just the little creaks and groans.
That’s awesome that in all of your travels that Charleston is your favorite city. I love that! And feel privileged I was able to go there.
Hi, Mel. I think my Rose is that I am super happy to be alive, & my Thorn is the uncertainty of how long that life will be. Long time follower here. It is so wonderful to stumble across your Friday thoughts today while searching for something to make for a Sunday Dinner tomorrow. You are Simply The Best!
Hugs to you, Lauren! Really glad you are here, too, and hope you find peace to enjoy every day ahead of you.
Halloween – never feel creative enough with costume ideas. Haven’t dressed up since my late 20s. You’d think I’d LOVE Halloween since I met hubby at a Halloween party, but not really. š
I had carpal tunnel in my 20s – wore a brace for WEEKS plus took 800mg ibuprofen for the pain. Never had surgery. I’ve had a couple flare ups in the past several years, but fortunately I kept that brace (it has metal inserts and is not terribly comfy) and I wear it to sleep when the flare ups happen.
SO sorry about the spot on your face.
I’m several years older than you and still have not had my first colonoscopy (I know, I know) – let us know what you think of the prep (what I’m dreading most).
Good to know about the brace, Melissa! I’ll keep wearing mine and hope for some relief!! I mean so far I’m just STARVING. (My colonoscopy is tomorrow morning at 7 am) But in about one hour I start the mega ultra- drink a gallon of miralax and I’m scared for my life.
Please tell us more about those beanies!! Does your sister have a pattern for these?
I will ask her! She made them more than five years ago so I can’t remember where she got the pattern or if she combined a couple to make these ones!
I just spent a very enjoyable half hour reading what you and others had to say. Thanks for sharing so we can all connect! Appreciated the suggestions for managing menopause — ugh — such a not fun part of life. I laughed out loud when you mentioned house shoes š. I’m right with ya on those things!
I love Halloween! I’ve always dressed up with my kids and even though my youngest is 16 I still love it. I do teach preschool though, so I still get all the fun that goes with Halloween. š§š»
My rose: having adult and teenage children.
My thorn: having adult and teenage children. š«
You’re awesome Mel! Thanks for all you do.
Preschoolers are undeniably the best age to celebrate halloween! Haha, laughed at your rose and thorn. Amen to that.
I was neutral on Halloween until I had a kid. Now I can’t stand it. When did it become all about scaring little ones? There are some houses we have to skip when he goes trick-or-treating because the decorations are too spooky. He loves Halloween, though, so I feel bad for him.
I am also 46 and currently hating my body, too! Though I’m likely in perimenopause, I’m not dealing with hot flashes. But everything aches and my son will ask me to get on the floor to play with him and I’m like, “I can’t. I won’t be able to get up!”
Oh gosh, same, Lisa! I tried sitting on the floor to play a card game with my kids last night and could barely stand up. (Also, even last year we had to skip a few scary houses because my 11-year old was TERRIFIED!)
That homecoming dinner looked awesome. How fun for the kids!
As someone with a family history of uterine cancer, I was not a good candidate for HRT, but after doing some research I found that anti-depressants can help with hot flashes. My gyn agreed and they were a godsend to someone who was sleep deprived from those flashes. Good luck!
That’s so interesting, Shelley – thank you for sharing about that!
Love Halloween! It has deep Catholic roots that most people do not realize…Halloween = Hallow e’en = Hallow’s evening = All Hallow’s Eve…so it literally means the night before All Hallow’s Day (translation: All Holy’s Day, or All Saint’s Day, which is November 1st). The next day after All Saint’s Day is All Soul’s Day (November 2nd), where we remember all the dead and pray for them. Beggars used to go door to door a few days before All Soul’s Day and beg for food. In return, they would promise to pray for whoever has died that is close to you. This is where trick or treating originated. Dressing up as ghosts/monsters/evil things is making fun of evil because we know God has told us that good wins! I just love all the symbolism and tradition that is in all of it.
But like you…costumes are not my thing, so my mom is in charge of that because she loves it š
I also join you in not loving The Women. It made me appreciate Vietnam war veterans very much, but other than that, I didn’t like the message that staying home with your family is not making “a real difference”.
Thank you for your blog. I have been following for over 10 years and I always love your check in posts (and yes, I read the whole thing happily!)
Thanks for the comment, Ashley! And you get an award for reading the whole thing. Haha.
Thank you for the history behind Halloween, that’s really cool! I might have to start celebrating All Souls Day, what a great way to remember our lived ones who have passed on.
I used to love Halloweenā¦.now Iām meh. And I LOVE your crocheted Viking hats!! I had horrible carpel tunnel and have been regularly doing Yoga with Adrienne and I honestly canāt believe how much it has helped. Itās actually helped with all of my creaky arthritis issuesā¦.getting old aināt for wimps!!!! Many roses and way too many thorns right nowā¦.š¬
Ok, thanks for that reminder! I used to do her videos consistently but stopped (my brain doesn’t settle and calm well for yoga so I feel like I’m jumping out of my skin the whole time). But I’m going to start again!
Amen sister. The “sitting and calming your mind” part is especially difficult for me….but what I’ve found is that if I do the 15 to 30 minutes of yoga (which most of her videos are) it’s just enough to stretch my aching, aging body and short enough that I don’t get irritated by my inability to settle and calm my brain…. Even doing just 15-20 minutes for about 4-5 days a week has made a noticeable difference in my aching joints and muscles!! Good luck! I’m looking forward to hearing about the results from your skin test…hoping for good news!!
Amen sister. The “sitting and calming your mind” part is especially difficult for me….but what I’ve found is that if I do the 15 to 30 minutes of yoga (which most of her videos are) it’s just enough to stretch my aching, aging body and short enough that I don’t get irritated by my inability to settle and calm my brain…. Even doing just 15-20 minutes for about 4-5 days a week has made a noticeable difference in my aching joints and muscles!! Good luck! I’m looking forward to hearing about the results from your skin test…hoping for good news!!šš¼
Hi Mel! I also love your Friday thoughts so much (as well as your recipes)! I am sorry to hear about the new spot on your face. Please keep us posted about that. I know how vigilant you are with skin care so this discovery must be so devastating. I am almost 57 and live in Canada where Dr’s do not believe in prescribing hormones for menopausal symptoms, so have had to live with mine for a very long time. I feel your pain. I also do not love Halloween but I do love seeing the little ones in their cutie-pie costumes. I also love to dress up myself, so that helps š
Rose: My 24 yr old son’s girlfriend lives with us and she has been such a joy. I have lived in a house of all boys (including the pets) for many years and having another female around has been a breath of fresh air
Thorn: Two of my best friends are moving out of my neighbourhood at the same time. We three have shared over 15 yrs of almost daily walks and they will be dearly missed
ps Had my first colonoscopy in the summer. While the prep wasn’t at all pleasant (especially the not-eating part for an entire day) it actually wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. And yes, the nap after was SWEET!
I love seeing the little kiddos in their ultra-adorable costumes, too. So maybe I DO love Halloween. Haha. š I’m sorry about your menopausal symptoms and not getting a lot of help. Ugh! I love, love that you have another female around. Yay! But I am so sad about the loss of your friends as they move. That kind of change is so hard, especially at this phase of life! (And thank you for another vote of confidence in getting through the colonoscopy if only for that blessed nap, haha. I’ll take it!)
Hi Mel! Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. I couldn’t live without this site and your amazing recipes. I, too, am the mom of many teenagers and young adults. This stage of life is equal parts absolutely amazing and completely terrifying! My rose is lots of kids coming home from college with my daughter that I get to feed and hang out with! My thorn is that my life stage is completely and overwhelmingly busy and sometimes I wish I could have a few hours to catch my breath! But I’m so super thankful for a life full of lots of goodness! Blessings to you and your fam, Mel!
Thank you so much, Ellen! I appreciate your kind words so much. And summing up older teenagers and young adults as amazing and terrifying is so appropriate! So fun that you can feed your daughter and her friends. More than ever, I’m realizing how much food really is my love language (so often it’s the thing I can provide when I’m at a loss otherwise).
I love reading these posts! I am also a Halloween grinch and am happy to be at the stage where my kids still have fun but don’t need me to be involved! (they’re 18, 15 and 12)
I’m 46 and went into early menopause last year… hot flashes, insomnia, weight gain š© Ā However, had my first colonoscopy a few months ago and it honestly was fantastic. The prep wasn’t the greatest, but the procedure itself left me feeling more rested than I’ve felt in months. That says a lot about my life right now… but enjoy the nap!Ā
My Rose: my oldest turns 18 today. While I’m in disbelief and miss when she was little, I am also so proud of her and love getting to know her as an “adult”
My Thorn: money stress. My husband and I have good jobs but with 3 kids and living in a high COL area, it’s a constant worry. Now we have college coming up for the oldest, it’s been on my mind a lot!Ā
Hahaha, thanks for helping me shift my internal narrative about the colonoscopy! I could use a good nap, so even though I’m dreading the prep, I’m going to look forward to that! I’m sorry about the menopause…yuck! I’m right there with you. It’s the worst. So many in the comments have mentioned their thorn is financial stress. That type of stress infiltrates so much of every day life. Hugs, friend!
My rose: my oldest got to be homecoming king this month, which was just so fun because heās just a good kid and a friend to all. Not a big athlete or someone mega-popular, just good and kind. Also I finally got in for some testing for me to understand my brain better and hopefully get to a better place mentally.Ā
My thorn: turning 40 has been the pits! š Seriously, ever since my birthday last month, itās been one thing after another.
Iām loving my Archieās, so thanks again for that recommendation! And I have carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists so I literally feel your pain. The braces helped me a lot! Sorry about your possible cancer spot. Hope all is well. š
Vicky, that put the hugest smile on my face to read about your son. That is honestly just the best; I love when the good/kind kids get recognition!! I’m sory 40 has been the pits. š While I mostly love my 40’s for being able to better abandon other’s expectations and have more confidence, my body has revolted, and that’s been hard. I’m glad you love the Archies – they’ve been lifesavers for me. For your carpal tunnel, do you wear the braces full time or just at night?
Just at night. After wearing them for quite a while consistently it got a lot better. When it was really bad a few years ago I would occasionally wear them during the day.Ā
I love your Friday thoughts! I am also a Halloween grinch. It is the dumbest holiday ever, but now we get together with friends and make homemade donuts, so that makes it much more fun. My rose is the weather is getting chilly and I love it! Since my oldest left for his mission at the end of July, I have been helping my second son mow lawns because it was too much for him to do by himself. We are so close to being done mowing and that makes me so happy. My thorn is aching, constantly falling asleep hands. It is so annoying!
I could definitely get behind a homemade donut tradition on halloween! You are a GOOD mom helping your son mow lawns. That’s something he will remember forever. Ok, so my hands also would fall asleep all the time (among a few other symptoms) That’s what led me to finally see a doctor and turns out, in my case, it’s carpal tunnel. Trying to figure out the best way to navigate helping my hands feel better!
I turn 51 tomorrow, so I hate to break it to you that the hot flashes and aches and pains don’t go away quickly! Rose- my birthday tomorrow, I guess? And both kids soccer games, AND school soccer is done so my kid can finally get her homework done at a reasonable hour. Thorn- work stuff, and this might be the last year of trick or treating! (Love Halloween)
Happy birthday, Beth! I hope it’s an amazing day for you!
Iām with you on The Women by Kristin Hannah. I waited for it for so long but was disappointed! Ā Loved so many of her other books!
I enjoyed her other books, too (particularly The Great Alone and The Nightingale).
I’m post menopausal and the one thing that really helped me through it all was MACA. No one had warned me about all the fun that would be headed my way…poor sleep, random anger, hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain etc etc…so I talked to someone at Sprouts and MACA was recommended. I used the Feminesscence brand (there are 3 i think for different stages) but there are many MACA brands to choose from that might be cheaper. It just balances you and helped w/ the hot flashes etc. I started w/ one a day, moved up to the dosage of 4 and am back down to 1 a day. You can get through this, I promise…
You are the second person to recommend Maca. Interesting! Thanks for the recommendation!
I am definitely a Halloween Scrooge, which makes my husband sad. He LOVES the holiday and starts planning his costume in August. If we had kids, I might get into it a bit more for their sake, but since we donāt have kids I donāt have to make an effort. Our neighborhood is full of kids and I am told there will be lots of trick-or-treaters, so I stocked up on lots of candy.Ā
My ROSE: We moved a few months ago and I absolutely love our new ward and neighborhood. So many good families, weāre closer to two of my husbandās brothers, and we love having a house that does not share walls with neighbors. (We did love our old neighborhood and ward, but living in a townhouse with lots of neighbors really close together was getting a bit old.)
My THORN: My husband has been really sick for five weeks with an illness that has caused his depression and anxiety to spiral out of control to a point where I almost checked him into the local mental health unit at our hospital because he was talking about suicide ideation. It is HARD having to care for him and for me and work and keep house and do all the things. Lots of things are on hold. The house is a mess. Some days itās all I can do to just get up and work. This time has been a true refiners fire for both of us. Thankfully things have improved since the almost hospital admission, but we still have a long road ahead of us. When he finally let me talk to people about what was going on, so many from our ward and family and friends stepped up to help, for which I am eternally grateful.Ā
Jana, well, first, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. That takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to open up about needing help. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. You are carrying an enormous weight. Just thinking of all your responsibilities and the emotional burden of worrying and caring for your husband (and all.the.other.things) made me tear up a bit for you. I’m glad the road ahead seems manageable, although long. I hope as you tread along it that your burdens will be made a bit lighter.
Iām 15 years older than you and definitely in a different season of life (retired, adult kids, post menopausal) and yet everything you talk about is so interesting to me! Ā You are the neighbour everyone wishes she had. Ā That homecoming dinner was next level and the temperature blanket is so neat. Ā Love it all!
You are so sweet, Diane, thanks for being here!
Very excited about the gift guide! Ā I end up purchasing many of the items every year. Ā Very helpful at Christmas time. Ā As for Halloween, fond memories of taking my kids out to trick or treat. Ā I ignore it now since we have no trick or treaters.
Rose: Ā Just spent a week with my three year old grandson. Ā Thorn: Ā insomnia! Ā Iāve had horrible insomnia for several years now. Ā
Good luck with the dermatologist and colonoscopy!
Always love hearing from you, Teresa! So sorry about the insomnia! The older I get, the more I realize that good sleep is everything. Have fun with that grandson. (We don’t get trick or treaters either based on where we live down a long driveway on property, so other than my kids dressing up and going trick-or-treating with friends, I’m able to largely ignore from that standpoint, too!)
Loathe Halloween, but love candy corn š¤© My Rose isā¦just being alive I suppose (itās been rough lately). My Thorn, still unemployed almost 5 months after getting laid off š
Vanessa. VANESSA. The candy corn situation. We need to talk. š š And I am so sorry about your job situation…and that it has just been rough. I hope you get some reprieve and soon, friend.
Not a Halloween fan either! Also, when your sister is ready to market her viking crocheted hats, I want to be the first buyer! So cute! Good luck with the dermatologist and the colonoscopy!!Ā
Haha, I’ll tell her!
So sorry/proud of you for the colonoscopy. The prep is as bad as they say.
Rose – Watching my kids grow into amazingly cool people.
Thorn – Watching my kids move out has been so much harder than I thought it would be.
Yeah, not looking forward to the prep!! Your kiddos are lucky to have you as a mom, it’s obvious you care about them so much!
Love you, Mel. Your honesty is refreshing and lifts my spirits. Keep being wonderful!! šā¤ļø
Thank you, Liz!
Oh how I love these Friday thoughts so, so much. Your homecoming dinner is incredible. Those kids are so lucky and I hope they realize it. And hopefully, someday when they have kids, theyāll think back to that night and recreate it. Itās so cool.Ā
I love Halloween. Iāve embraced it as an adult and try to do all the fun things (minus pumpkin patches; I refuse). My kids have special needs so while weāre three years from the end of trick or treating, are we? Iām in a really weird headspace about this stage of life with my kids. Thatās probably my thorn.Ā
My rose is my fourth book (a Christmas one) launched this week. As always, I have the characters make something from your website that Iāve made a thousand times over the past thirteen/fourteen years. When readers ask if I have a recipe, I always send them the link from your site. Thank you for making so many people happy.Ā
I love your creativity in your writing, Rachel (you’re amazing). Is your Christmas book on Amazon? I love that you love Halloween and hope you find a way to navigate this phase of life that brings peace.
I am in your camp as far as Halloween–I like the food š not big about decorating or dressing up. Rose–I got to meet Sharon McMahon! She did a library talk about 2 hours from me, so I drove there and got a picture and LOVED it! Also loving her book and also loved the book James too. Thorn: I am same age as you and experiencing the same perimenopause stuff. I was grateful you introduced me to Dr Mary Claire Haver. Thank you! Also so looking forward to your gift guides next week! You are the best, Mel! Sorry to hear about your skin cancer returning!! I have been vigilent about getting my skin screenings every year since you shared several years ago–I have been around here since the early, early years–I think you were blogging year two when I found you. Also, love your cookbook! My goal is to bake every recipe in it, and I am doing well on that goal!
I love that you’ve been here for so long, Jen. Always enjoy seeing your comments pop up. Thank you! And I am so jealous you got to meet Sharon in real life. What a dream! So happy it worked out for you!
No, Halloween is not for me but love to decorate for an imagined Fall in Florida. I also have had several basil cells, one requiring extensive plastic surgery on my face. Blessed to have caught early.
Rose-3 weeks post op knee replacement I put off too long. Rehabbing well, looking forward to hiking again
Thorn-Nov 1 will be four years since we lost our youngest of four sons to an accidental overdose. Grief never goes away even with the knowledge we will be together again.Ā
Thanks for letting me share. I appreciate your honest feelings.Ā
I hope your knee surgery recovery continues to go well! And I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your son. Thank you for feeling like you can share that. It brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes just reading things like that gives me the perspective I need to be grateful even in times of adversity in my own life. Thank you, Linda.
Love your genuine goodness and willingness to share your life with your followers. You are a gem! š¤Ā
My youngest child is 13 and would rather hang out with friends than go trick or treating. Which means I have graduated from buying Halloween costumes! It was so fun when they were littleā¦but 20 years later, Iām delighted to be free ofĀ that responsibility.Ā
Rose: Enjoying good health and this phase of life with kids age 12-20.Ā
Thorn: Relationship strain with an 18 year old son.Ā
We are in the exact same phase of life with our kids’ ages, Lori. Hang in there (haha). It has stretched me in huge ways I never could have imagined. But it is a great phase. I hope the wrinkles in your relationship with your son can be ironed out in time and with love.
LOVE FRIDAY THOUGHTS POSTS-MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE!
Roses: I loved your posts about strength training and apps and online stuff just doesnāt work for me. So I got brave and contacted a former student of mine (Iām a retired teacher)who is like 22 and happens to be a personal trainer. Iāve done three sessions with her and I feel so much better in so many ways!! FALL is so very beautiful! Soaking it up!Ā
Thorns: I worry about finances too much. I need to let go and let God! Ā
Canāt wait for those gift guides!!
Thanks, Kim! And I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Seriously, so proud! Way to go on the personal trainer/exercise. You’re amazing!
I have a spot on my face and am getting my second MOHS surgery in November. Not great. Feeling that thorn as well. It’s on my nose so I’m especially worried because there’s not much skin there and being disfigured is scary. Haha.
Ah, friend, I’m not saying this lightly: I will be praying for you. My 1st MOHS surgery was on my nose, so I am feeling so much empathy for you right now. Will you email me (contact@melskitchencafe.com) and keep me posted on how it goes? I very much care about knowing if you have the time to share. Hugs, hugs.
I am in June on my temp blanket. Ā Too much yard work to stay caught up crocheting but doing a few rows every night. The darker nights help. Sorry about your health issues. Feel better quick! Your instagram is my favorite!Ā
I agree! The darker nights are helping me catch up (slowly) on my blanket. Sending you speedy crocheting vibes!
I Don’t love Halloween either! But I love dia de muertos and putting up my ofrenda! I ABSOLUTELY love walking past my ofend and looking at all my loved ones who have passed on. I keep it set up for 3 or 4 weeks then we eat mexican food . This year I was in charge of a church activity for our youth we did a dia de muertos celebration and made an ofrenda at yummy food and shared stories about our loved ones. It was awesome!!! I feel you on the worries for my kids it is so hard to have teens and adult kids boys/ men. And one thing will then lead to huge worries and anxiety. We call our highs and lows. Rose- dia de muertos. Thorn- judgmental people at church. And political rhetoric! I can’t believe what we think is ok to post, share, and vote for then still call ourselves Christian. Very disappointed.
I love that so much! I also love the sentiment behind Dia de Muertos…and you’ve inspired me to do more with that and use that holiday to share with my kids about our loved ones who have passed on. Thanks for sharing that!
I first thought it said “Boobs I’ve Like” and thought it was in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness – but then I scrolled back up and re-read. š
I used to be into Halloween when my kids were little, but now as an empty nester it’s not really a big deal. We rarely have trick or treaters where we live so I often just don’t think about it? (Except when I see social media).
Roses: just finished a big editing project. Thorns: my dishwasher is dying and I’m stubbornly handwashing everything until the dishwasher I want goes on sale (or at least has free installation)
Hahaha, laughed out loud at your opening sentence. Books. Definitely books. And I will be praying that dishwasher goes on sale SOOOOON!
ROSE: I spent a few days with my 5 kiddos visiting my sister, her husband & 3 kids who live 5 hrs away! Also my kids have had 2 weeks of fall break due to a water leak & water damage at school & it has just been the best time with them š
THORN: my hubby is a farmer and harvest is starting to feel like itās dragging out! (Almost done!!!)
I actually despise Halloween. š¬ the cute, fun things I donāt mind. But the creepy witches and horror things? No, thank you!Ā
Your recipes are my favs š¤
I’m feeling very validated in my Halloween feelings. Haha. And I LOVE that you’ve seen the two week break from school as a blessing. Your kids are so blessed to have you as their mom. Good luck with the end of harvest season!!
Raise your hand if you, also, generally dislike Halloween! ā Saaaaame. Ā I have never liked it. Ā I donāt like anything dark, spooky, or scary, hate the color orange, donāt like dressing up, etc. Ā I wish we could just celebrate the glory of generic fall for 3 solid months (Sept-Nov) and then switch over to Christmas immediately. Ā The 1 thing I have enjoyed about Halloween is helping my kids craft their costumes, but now they are older and I went back to work full-time, I donāt have the time and energy for it.
Which leads me to my THORN: no time or energy for anything these days, it seems. I am missing the days of being a stay at home mom to littles. Also worries about kids/teenagers are intense. Ā Feeling ya there.
My ROSE: having so much genuine fun being with my family as they are growing into teens and young adults. And building/cherishing the strong, lifelong friendships that I have. Ā Also going to Hawaii in 2 weeks. Ā CANāT WAIT.
Praying for the best outcome for your face spot. Another rose for me is that I just got good labs and clear scans at my last oncology appt. Ā I finished immunotherapy treatment earlier this year after a scary stage 3b melanoma diagnosis 18 months ago. The cancer fear, anxiety and PTSD is real, so iām praying for peace, calm, excellent doctors and strength for you!
Amanda! Wow! You’ve been THROUGH IT. I am so, so happy you had clean scans after what had to have been an incredibly stressful cancer journey. Yay!! Enjoy every minute of that trip to Hawaii. (And I hear you on everything you described about this phase of life…hang in there!)
You are so awesome! I love hearing your thoughts on all things life. I have mixed feelings about Halloween. I love fall and the coziness that it brings but donāt really love the costumes and other chaotic parts of Halloween.Ā
My rose- love watching my kids play their sports and perform their music and enjoying good food with them.Ā
My thorn- stress a bit too much about finances and the amount of money we spend at this phase of life.Ā
Love ya! Thanks for your wonderful content!
Amen to those rose and thorn thoughts, Sara!
Iām 40 and I love love love Halloween. Ā For me, itās the only holiday that you can genuinely have as much fun as an adult that you did as a kidāand as a mom of five itās not near the amount of work that thanksgiving/Christmas are. Ā I donāt care for scary/horror Halloween stuff but everything else you can sign me right up.
Thoughts and prayers for your dermatologist appointment!Ā
I actually love you pointing that out about Halloween and I love your enthusiasm! So fun.
Halloween when my kids were little was fun, but it’s definitely “meh” now.
We did roses/thorns in the family I grew up in and also when my kids were at home, but we called it “goods and bads”. š
Thorn: Hot flashes! I get them ALL day long and they are the worst. Just started HRT this week in the hopes of stopping their reign of terror!
Rose: My kiddos are both in college and doing well. One kid had a SUPER rough year last school year, but they are doing so much better now. That saying that you’re only as happy as your least happy child is so true!
Thank you for all you do here! This is my #1 site for recipes for every occasion! I made your pumpkin bundt cake last week for a family dinner and it got RAVE reviews!
I’d love to know how the HRT does in helping you with those hot flashes! So, so happy your kids are doing well. I understand so acutely the last few years how much I am affected by the happiness and well-being of my kids. It’s been a roller coaster. Thank you for your kind words!
I kind of like Halloween, I have some indoor fall/halloween style decorations I like putting out. Not a fan of the gore and scary movies at all. Plus I don’t have to worry about costumes and trick or treating anymore. I just got the skinny dipped maple kissed almonds at the store last week and I love them. Good luck at the Dermatologist next week. Hope it’s non cancerous. Can’t wait to see the weather blanket all done.
My rose for today: It’s Friday, and the weather is supposed to be perfectly fall like and I see me sitting at my firepit at some point this weekend.
My thorn: Most of my weekend will be spent getting things ready for winter and catching up on chores.
Oooh, I’ll have to look for those almonds. I hope you were able to fit in that dreamy firepit scenario into your weekend!! (Good luck on catching up on chores, we’re channeling that same not-fun energy this weekend)
Halloween – Iām with you. Ā I donāt have any moral/religious objections, I just donāt enjoy it. Ā Iām not crafty, I donāt like making costumes. Ā But I certainly let my kids trick or treat, and they love it so I power through!
Iām also with you on loving those skinny peanut butter chocolate things from Costco and I dislike books by Kristen Hannah in general. Ā I didnāt even read The Women because I just did not enjoy The Nightingale or The Great Alone. Ā
As someone a few years older than you and newly on the other side of the menopause adventure, I highly recommend Maca root supplements if you donāt want to go the hormone route. Ā As a side note, I had a midlife surprise baby one month before I turned 44. Ā At 49, I am officially in menopause, and the hormonal journey from pregnancy/postpartum to full menopause in just 5 years has beenā¦uh, interesting.
ROSE – my 18 year old daughter is coming home for a few weeks during a break in her gap year employment. I canāt wait to cook for her!
THORN – my area was hit hard by hurricane Helene a few weeks ago and the stress is massive and ongoing. Ā We lost both cars, our house was badly damaged and weāve had to move temporarily. Ā But, weāre all okay! Ā Some days are better than others but itās still hard.
Mel, I hope you get good news at your dermatology appointment. I will be thinking of you. Ā Your recipes have meant a lot to my family over the years. Ā I plan to make my daughter your Swedish meatballs, beef tips and gravy, that tomato and beef soup, probably several other of your soups (sheās my only soup loving kid so I have to pack it all in!) and definitely a few desserts. Ā Oh, also your chicken shawarma which has the distinction of being one of the only dinners all my kids really love. Ā My other 3 kids are picky, picky, picky. Ā
All the best to you and your family!
Thanks for the recommendation, Katie! And I can only imagine how interesting and challenging navigating menopause and toddler-life has been! You’re amazing. Have fun with your daughter! Also, SO, so sorry to hear about the damage you sustained during hurricane Helene. How long will you be in temporary housing? Is there light around the corner for damage rebuilding and recovery? Prayers for you and all others affected. I wish I could do something tangible to help. Love to you and your family.
On Halloween, I’ve always enjoyed it because it’s just a fun, social event. Good thing, too, because my daughter arrived on H’ween 2006 so we always celebrate big this time of year.
My rose: This cooling pad (Chilipad from Sleepme) has changed my life. I’m sleeping better than I have in years! It’s pricey, but priceless.
My thorn: Said daughter is about to fly the coop and it’s quite bittersweet. And sorry to hear about your new skin concern.
All the best!
Oh how fun that your daughter has a Halloween birthday! And also: I RAN to check out that cooling pad and am super intrigued. Can’t wait to look into it more. Thanks for the recommendation! Hugs to you as you navigate that huge next step of your daughter leaving home. It’s a big one.
Sadly, my younger sister is in the “spot on the face, must go to the doctor”, again, group. So I have a side chair understanding of your thorn. My thoughts of healing do go out strong on this one…Well it was good to meet another, Halloween? meh! thinker. I told a blog group the other day that if I did not see one more pumpkin made from two pieces of garbage from the recycling bin, it would be too soon! With that said, going trick or treating with my kids decades ago was fun, and now with my grandson is even more so, as we go as a three generation group! My daughter on the other hand is the opposite of me, and a whiz for dĆ©cor and costumes, all crafted by her.
My Rose: my blog space. It is where I have creative license and connect with readers, even thought my genre or product is not main stream, all scratch made, organic and whole wheat.
My Thorn: not having enough time to do all that I want to do, which also translates to not enough years left after retirement. But I shall “spend” them wisely!
Blessings to you and yours, and I love the menu dinner party you hosted, very nice!
I agree that going trick-or-treating with younger kids IS fun! I love that you can go with your grandson now. I love that you’re finding joy in your corner of the internet. I completely understand that!
Iām a retired 43-year educator. My ROSE is the group of teachers I mentor through my church. For our biweekly meetings I fix a big pot of soup and one of your bread recipes. The hot, made from scratch bread really seems to feed their souls. My THORN Ā is the body aches that follow a day spent on my feet in the kitchen but Iām so thankful to have the joy of free time to cook and bake for family and friends.Ā
I love the way you minister to the teachers at church, Paula! Love that so much. And you’re amazing for finding joy despite the aches and pains.
Youāre the best, Mel! Sending positive thoughts about the spot on your face. We also add ābudsā to the rose/thorn conversation to share what we are looking forward to. It brings out a little hope in us I think. Canāt wait for the gift guide!
Thank you, Sara – and I love that idea of adding rose buds!